The "Backdoor"

© N Noël Dec 2009

Come into my Backdoor not all are welcomed
If you’re allowed inside you may become a victim
Walk in slowly, take your time or slide quickly in
Easy strokes or pulsing fast makes the screen doors swing

Come into my Backdoor I’ll give you the key
Entry is not common ground just try you’ll see
Some audition but most don’t make the grade
The Backdoor is for those of strength that can prevail

Warm and dark from the start don’t be afraid
Take a chance mount up, stay sturdy and grab hold
Work back and forth, work Hard and smart it may take some time
The Backdoor is a sweaty sport you must be a connoisseur of fine wine

Come into my Backdoor so soft and wet all over
You won’t be alone I’ll be looking over my shoulder
Victimizing you like sweet punishment can’t take the anticipation
Lips pulled tight, back arched waiting to receive you

Like an old friend welcomed inside with ease it opens wide
Over and over as you sink deeper into silky folds of warmth and spender
Least you know all will implode with every sudden movement
You will pursue, yes it’s over due take all that comes your way
Remember this is just a visit you’re not here to stay

Come into my Backdoor come claim your prize
Once you enter my Backdoor you will be victimized
Come into my Backdoor so sweet and succulent
When you’re through you surely will be spent
Come into my Backdoor yes you’ll sink right in
Only one rule will apply you must be invited in

Excess

N Noël October 2009



Needing more, giving less, wanting things we have to posses “Excess”
“Must Haves” that you can’t live without, new Prada or the big house
Space so large echoes from rooftop to garage just filled with stuff but lacking love
Pure Excess, hoarding, holding not sharing just lusting

Why do we invest, kept obtaining worldly mess
Baggage upon baggage, filling our souls until you’re old
Trading happiness for barrel of fools gold
Excess a blind conquest, want your life to reflect what the world says is SUCCESS

Consuming things upon empty things piled up like a mountain of shame
Gold teeth in mouth yet children are not housed who’s to blame
Tricked out rides while the elderly are left to die
“I Love N.Y.” and “Atlanta Housewives”
It’s reality show hell, yet hungry bellies swell, no one hears their cries

Excess, Excess what a “Big American Jest”
All think we have “arrived” with fat pockets full of “pride”
No giving, just taking you think we’re ahead
Just a fantasy conformed in a pseudo reality of the mislead

Marriage a notion of the pass options are kept open
Like the zipper of pants wide open all for the taking
Hookin Up, now that’s more like it no need to commit
Unmarried, making babies, no consequences given to their well being
Family a foreign word long gone like a festered unwanted zit

Children killing children day after day
Over commercialized “bling” lifestyles they want to gain
Life treated like a rag doll in a video game
Baby Mama, Gangsta, Bitches and Hoes our children don’t know who they are
Take away the Excess we need to replace it with “Love” this has gone too far

Blind eye turned to the homeless on the corner
No one to give a dollar, who cares not your burden to shoulder
Recession, Foreclosure, No Healthcare all are swallowing us whole
Something must be done soon or this generation will be lost
Excess, Excess how far we’ve regressed
Excess, Excess a “Big Unconstitutional American Jest”

Why I Like Him

© N Noël Sept 2009


Hmm soft chocolate skin, full lips
Soft touch takes my breath away in a rush
Like chocolate velvet melting on a hot summer day
Sweet, sticky wanting more going all the way

Smelling good from head to toe
Makes my inner wells overflow
Strong embrace when he looks in my face
That’s why I like him

Pulls me close keeps me engrossed
From start to finish stamina never diminished
From slow to fast he makes it last

Why I like him
Hmm soft caramel eyes takes me places
My body gets mesmerized
Sweet kisses, long strokes
No sentences just moans bellowing from my throat

Scent of soap mixed in with sweat
Over and over my body stays wet
Like slow motion the rhythm doesn’t stop
From behind or me on top

Why I like him hmm
Where to begin, hands on thighs
Treats them like juicy apple pies
Tongue in every space
All done at a slow pace

What’s good for me only he can see
No caution or hesitation
His goal my satisfaction
Soft caramel eyes and a smile that curves my spine
That’s Why I like him

Imperfectly Me
© N Noël July 2009


Perfect that’s not me my teeth are a bit crooked but I smile wide like the open sea
Pretty nope still not me some say cute maybe but not my cup of tea
Laughs too hard, talks too much some just want you to SHUT UP
Play your part don’t “act” smart make others comfortable
Guess what, you’re out of luck
I can only be me, Imperfectly Me

Me through the good and not so fine just keeping it moving towing the line
Staying focused when it gets tough life’s to short to ever give up
My opinion may not be yours we all have differences consider the source
Won’t live in a shadow as time passes by win or lose at least I tried
No ones’ perfect that’s certainly not me I am who I am Imperfectly Free

Shinny, bright and the glitter oh what a sight
Short skirts, little tops, push up bra letting it all hang out
Won’t take NO when I hear it the first time
Pushing the envelope when others except finite
That’s me Imperfectly Me, Imperfectly Free

Know my own worth learned hard lessons from being hurt
Makes mistakes, knows my Faith, love myself enough not to indulge in self-hate
Imperfect that’s me I make no apologies for the person you see
Take it or leave it the choice is yours
The ride is worth it I know how to love and play hard

Yes Imperfectly Me, Imperfectly Free
A Blessing from above He created us all differently
The person I see I love more each day
So don’t hold your breath I’m not going away
Yes Imperfect, Imperfectly Me
I’m o.k. with me ask yourself the question
Have you set yourself FREE

All

All
© N Noël July 2009


I want it all without excuses
No half told truths from shallow sources
I want him tall and full of good graces
Planting sugary soft kisses in all my favorite spaces

Smelling clean, shinny like a black solar stream
Me in his embrace, the first person I see when I awake
Him loving me mind, body and soul
Holding hands, touching, feeling, rolling naked
From our youth and while growing old
I want it all

Keeps me safe, puts me in my place
All done with calm, strength and God’s grace
Gives me space to be who I am
Knows my life is important, not just him being “my man”

Loves me in spite even when we fight
Knows my bark is sometimes worst than my bite
Treats me with respect knows when to say when
In the end will always be my best friend
Yes I want it all

Is so proud and says it out loud
Has enough confidence and knows my success
Never makes him or us any less
Yes he is tall, shinny or even blue
As long as he keeps it true

True in bed loving me from head to toe
Learns all my spots to keep me hot
Is always ready and knows how to take it slow
Gives me all of him and I give back to him
I’m true to myself I just won’t give in
I want it all and I want it with him

Keeps me in line with just a look or touch
Does it so kindly makes me lust
Hands on my waist or behind
Well toned body to match a refined mind

Equally yoked through space and time
What I’m asking for is not a crime
I want it all who wants second best
I give the best in me so I won’t settle for less
A strong person with a balanced heart
That’s the place where I want to start

Me whole with a Free Soul
He for me and me for him
Feels so good can’t help but fall in
No surprises or painful lies
Just an honest exchange between two lives
I’m worth it ALL, I deserve it ALL, I give it ALL
Yes I want it ALL

Silence

Silence
© N Noël Jun 2009


Silence is golden that’s what they say
The deafening noise of silence torments many everyday
Time and space away from distractions
Facing that person in the mirror pondering our every action

No muddling sounds or others to fixate on
Silence can be the place where good decisions are born
Yet some run from it like being pricked with a thorn

Filling their time on fixing others
Knowing they’re living a life that’s “undercover”
If you’re not whole then who can you fix
Start by digging self out of your manmade ditch

Silence is golden in everyway
The deafening noise of silence some wish would go away
Satisfying their voids with endless chatter
Who knew ones’ Soul could be up for barter

Trading in self worth for indecision
All in an effort to avoid the silence
Hanging on to things and people a pile of clutter
Who in the end will say “you don’t matter”

Making decisions by avoiding the silence
Brings you back to your same old patterns
Different day gives the same results
You echoing your own words “I Give Up”

Silence is golden that’s what they say
Embrace that time to self commune
Don’t treat it with disdain
Grow within that space and time
It will keep you sane

Tomorrow

Tomorrow
© N Noël May 2009


Tomorrow isn’t promised neither is today
Stop wasting your life wondering
If today will be “The Day”
Happiness is all around you follow God’s way

Live within the moment
Make the best with what comes your way
Don’t waste your time on incidentals
Don’t give your life away, pray, don’t be lead astray

The gift we are given so precious everyday
The life we choose to live make it count don’t live halfway
Savor; breathe in the good in spite of what your life “on paper” says

Each day brings new miracles adventures we must face
Go ahead jump in don’t hold back can’t win unless you try
Win or lose there is no shame disappointment follows grace
Take every opportunity to start again until you think its right

Seems a chore some days a ton life can weigh
Can turn into a feather’s weight learn to embrace your Faith
Tomorrow isn’t promised neither is today
Make each day count my friend don’t give your life away

Some good and not so fair can always cause us pain
Forget the fear behind the journey there is so much to gain
Climb mountains high, swim river wide now that’s living
Take on each new challenge with the breath you’ve been given

Throw away past hurts, mistakes and pain from long ago
Grab and hold fast to the present the things of here and now
Close your eyes, take a deep breath allow your spirit to grow

Tomorrow isn’t promised neither is today
Our past is behind us the future we can revive
Run naked, love hard, laugh often
Love yourself keep your joy alive

Old Enough

Old Enough
© N Noël May 2009


I’m old enough to know right from wrong
Old enough to cry
Experienced my share of sorrow
I’ve seen someone die

Old enough to have been in love once
And yes maybe twice
Seen the rising of the sun
From coast to coast and mountain high

Smelled the morning air of sea
Yes I’ve eaten a whole pie
Watched enough T.V. to know
The good shows have long passed us by

Old enough to see time pass
And know it won’t return
Take no moment for granted
With age that’s what I’ve learned

Old enough to appreciate family
Through good and bad times
Learned how to say “I love you”
Hug and apologize
Learned the words “I’m sorry”
Will surpass my pride

Breathe in each day as if it were my last
Won’t look back with regret
Old enough to know must treat Life with respect
Each moment that we are given
Give your all don’t hold back.

Trust of Love

Trust of Love
© N Noël April 2009


Makes the heart full
And the soul wanders
Days upon night rolling like thunder
Rushing in giddy with anticipation
Smiling in the dark of night
That’s why fools rush in
I don’t trust LOVE

Happiness when warm lips touch
The loins all a flutter
Hanging on to every word
Even when it’s just clutter
Breathing deep, looking at the other sleep
Making plans to hold hands for future times together
The heart can’t wait make no mistake
I don’t trust LOVE

Inhaling their scent from the sheets of a night spent
Mind plays tricks; makes you think they’re lying at your side
Feelings and emotions run high longing grows deeper inside
Eyes closed brings images of lust, keeps one thinking there is an “US”
I don’t trust LOVE

White dresses and picket fences
Empty emotions expressed with such conviction
The “I Do” and the “I Love You” plans made between two
One minute it’s so true in a split second trust has been evicted
The heart so bruised tired of being used
I don’t trust LOVE

The body and the mind conflict all the time
One caught up with desire the other avoids that fire
The bargaining between the two
Lead us with a “What to do?”
Forgive and start again or let go; stay sane
The passion, the hurt and the pain
Dare I trust myself again?
I don’t trust LOVE

Forget

Forget
© N Noël March 2009



Sometimes I want to forget all my regrets the times I cried and wept for past mistakes and foolish notions of being in love and faithfulness. Erase away the times I lay satisfied in your core a warm spot I didn’t mind going so far to please your mind, body and soul until we were both sore glistening like gold.

No more midnight dreams full of steam wet between the sheets of my wants and needs to be with you holding on caught up in your monsoon. Pulled in, caught under, no air to breathe just memories of your thunderous embrace. Kisses all over my face the taste of salty tears mixed in as you confess. Yes, oh yes I want to forget.

Wipe away the day I learned to love your touch on my inner thigh skirts and dresses hiked high. Warm hands, wet tongue the sweet smell as you clung to my waist the readiness and the haste. Couldn’t get enough of me nor me of you I still feel the rhythm pulsing in my body as if it were new. Want to forget. My body still waits for your touch my mind can’t erase the good I saw in you. Please let me forget, put away this regret.

Lazy,rainy days, hands running over soft skin just a small touch sucks me in. Spicy smells, all the bodies swell building up like overflowing wells. Day turns into night still under the sheets hearts and hands all mingled together no time to speak.

Two bodies become one exploding, souls connecting, ejecting others in your mind can’t see past the moment it’s what makes me blind. One thinks “such fun” the other “grows closer”. Before you know it the moment is over. How soon “the one” forgets “the other” now can’t move past it, can’t forget.

Your scent it still lingers in my mind imprinted like your fingerprints pressed against my chest yes it still makes me wet. From the tears in my eyes and the space that lies between my thighs. My heart I will confess keeps trying to forget you.

"Day At the Beach"

Day At The Beach
© N Noël Feb 2009

Warm sun just about fun
A day at the beach
Calm waters without falter
Is what you hoped for
“A Day at the Beach”

Away from your “number one”
Just some negative fun
Wrapped up in oceans of sheets
All underneath sweaty from start to finish
No thoughts of guilt no need to admit
Your “Day at the Beach”

Should give you heat and NEVER speak
Just open wide let you pour all your hate and escape inside
Over and over until you subside
Now that’s what you consider a “Day at the Beach”

No stress or past regrets nothing to invest
All TAKE and no GIVE to that “Day at the Beach”
Just a day of pure giveaway nothing to gain or lose as long as no one gets confused. No emotions to connect at the end you can reject that “Day at the Beach”.

Would your “number one” think it all fun you lying up in the sun with your “Day at the Beach”? What a lucky girl gets to live in your world of waves of deceit you keep buried beneath. Kept in the dark unaware you are a shark with predatory and conniving ways.

Like the sea your lies run deep what you sow will one day be what you reap. Until then never question your actions a “Day at the Beach” brings you satisfaction. No need to care about this affair. Dust the sand off your feet you know you will repeat that “Day at the Beach”.

Don’t take sand to the beach or bring back souvenirs that want “freedom of speech” just lie and sneak what you feel you lack at home. Nothing wrong with this it’s hit or miss just a chance to have your own way. The truth never told on either side just washed away with the tide no need to ever atone.

Sad you can’t see your errors won’t look directly in the mirror
You want to like what you see but it’s a lie you call” me”
Waste of time and space your mistakes you can’t escape
Left alone in the end defending your best friend
That reflection looking back you call “me”.

No more “number one” or the “Day at the Beach” you shunned
All good things will come to an end. You, a cliché let time get away left drowning in your own tidal wave from how you behaved.
Is that what you call a “Day at the Beach”?

The Keeper

The Keeper
© N Noël Feb 2009


I am my brother’s Keeper sometimes I wonder why
Can’t keep it all together no matter how much I try
Double checking, listing each detail I must fix
Is anyone aware this is process brings me so much conflict

The Keeper of all things from those close, far and wide
Don’t know how long I’ll be able to sustain the volcano brimming on the inside
Only thing holding it all in is a shallow sense of pride

Keeper of secrets told in the quiet of the night
Loud whispers thrust upon me that are canvassed and galvanized
All holding on to their own truths buried and disguised
Incidentals and excuses some just won’t throw away
Why hold on to baggage that’s old and decayed

Repeating their absurdities again and again
The echoing in my eardrums driving me insane
Like rain pelting stones on a window pane
No longer want to hold on to anyone’s individual pain

Clouded by the visions others bring to me
My heart and head are so full I can barely see
A glimpse of my own person that’s quickly forgotten
Hidden in a field of a slaves’ tall cotton

Keeper of all things is not the job I asked for
Keep begging someone to please open up this reservoir
Drain away the responsibilities of present and in the future
Need time and space to fix my own broken shutters

Won’t be whole if all of me is given away
Wish others would find it in their hearts
To work toward their own new day

Can offer what little I have in words and good graces
Just don’t remember when I agreed to switch places
I am my brother’s Keeper I try the best I can
Keep trying not to get swallowed up in everyone’s quicksand

Can’t promise I’ll be around each and every time
When morning comes upon us won’t find me my friend
The Keeper will be long gone a shadow of a person a life only some will mourn

Not Personal Is What You Say!

Not Personal
© N Noël Jan 2009


Walk over you, talk over you it’s all the same don’t take it Personal just a part of the game. May treat you like a whore then you become a chore don’t be shamed Not Personal it’s who you became.

Speak your mind be unkind doesn’t make a difference just don’t take it Personal. Don’t see you just treated like a worn shoe taken for granted, speak words and think thoughts slanted. “It is what it is” going about your business who cares what happens to you, just me! Same old tired story from beginning to end a beautifully wrapped package turns out to be a so called friend.

Like excess residue scraped off the bottom of a shoe. Only meaningful when there’s nothing to do at one or two in the morning. An afterthought on a grey day or rainy night never will be seen out in plain sight. Not Personal just words and actions used for attraction to get what you want all a part of a foreplay front.

When you’re through on to your next success always leaving excess baggage a festered mess but YOU never stressed. Not Personal it’s what you do best. Easy to discard after you’re no longer hard. Like changing dirty sheets the process is as easy as one, two, three. Use, remove and then throw away Not Personal just a long, obscene recurring play.

Always a critic when “the subject” turns into a cynic exhausted from “scene one” “act two” of your tired extended life play. Can’t understand why they cry yet heavily denies any involvement or wrong doing. Its Not Personal just “You doing You” full of pride taking all along for the a ride with your see-saw attitude and ways. Pleasing the one in the mirror is the goal in all endeavors Not Personal at the end of the day.

Will it ever stop? Yes, maybe not, takes character, empathy and respect for others to go that way. Not Personal is your montage created in a haphazard and delusional mind that’s gone astray. Can’t believe you would choose to live life a tortured soul transferring gripes never giving thought to those you caused pain.

You, never comprehend, accountable, yet you defend poor choices made time and again. Your past, present and future all the same until it all hits ya can’t run from self forever it is the game you’ve played. Not Personal will consume if you choose to resume no one to blame in the end. The reflection looking back at you, Not Personal your best friend.

Stay Above the Fray

Above the Fray
© N Noël Jan 2009


Above the Fray high above hoping to be touched by God’s love. Won’t waste away trying to fight for something that’s not mine gottta be fine with my own existence walking the path one foot in front of the other trying to maintain consistence. Above the Fray.

Congested with life’s indecisions like a packed highway full of resistance. Make way, Make way squeezing in where I can reaching for God’s unyielding hand. Trust and let go of man and mayhem. Above the Fray is where I wanna stay.

Silver linings streets of gold so many times that’s what we’re sold. Full cups with lemon drops and oh what a shock when the dream ends along with sometime lovers and friends. Most won’t stay so be prepared when sails are set and they blow away. Gone with the night no need to fuss or fight. Stay Above the Fray.

Midnight tears and some lonely years suffering beyond your years. Don’t look back your past is just that a looking glass of nothing you lack. Lessons learned and scars you’ve earned to face a bright future. Life is always your best and most honest teacher. Won’t forget but let go of regret has no power over you. Keep Above the Fray.

Negative thoughts come early and late sometimes feels like there is no escape. Close your mind breathe and shine through you know what to do. Keep your focus face the day your life is yours. Above the Fray, breathe, Above the Fray, breatheeeee. Above the Fray.

Boxed IN

Boxed In
© N Noël Nov 2008



These four walls are closing in corner to corner full to the brim.
Spilling over cascading down hoping life’s worries come tumbling down. Caught in a web of my own design time no longer a friend of mine. Wake up praying each day for more time. Time to weave away the sin just don’t know where to begin. Time to fix what’s been broken. Can’t find the right tools to open up this web of lies heading to my own demise. A stitch here a stitch there seems nothing works. Everything is heavy weighed down carrying around all my worth.

Boxed in curled up in a tight ball waiting for these four walls to come crashing down. Sifting through the rubble after all is said and done still looking for a means to justify the end. Hoping my sacrifices have become my friend. Caught in a web of my own design time no longer a friend of mine. Can’t get to the truth wouldn’t know the difference if it were in plain sight. Comes around almost never I just can’t fight.

Patching these walls that are tattered and worn trying to reclaim this life forlorn. Retouched, refinished the design is still the same. Maybe I’m not cut out to play this game. Nothing seems to work time and again. Cracks and imperfections are pushing through trying to hold it all together with a bottle of glue. Knowing it won’t work still I follow through. Caught in a web of my own design time no longer a friend of mine.

Try to climb my way out just won’t work no matter how much I SCREAM, CRY OR SHOUT. No one to hear me or save my soul. Turn the next corner end up grey and old. Can’t buy time back it’s not for sale gotta get what I can now or I won’t prevail.

Black and white no shades of grey. No misinterpretation a life written and bound by false dictation. No editing, proofreading only false misleading. Chapter by chapter all the words running together makes no sense so it festers into shredded pieces in the wind. Trapped inside BOXED IN.

Smart person poor choices now all I hear are the screaming voices echoing inside these four walls of this boxed in existence. Turn to the left or the right end up back where I started. On the bottom piled upon dreams and desires never to be found. Stressed out, mixed up hitting these four walls ready to give up. SCREAM LOUD, CRY LONG hope this process will not be prolonged. Need peace and a sweet sleep some days hide under the covers waiting for silence to take over.

Many don’t understand keep looking from a far. Peeping over the edge with the door held ajar. Holding me in with the lid held so tight. Wanting more from me than I’m willing to give. Never enough until I’m WALLED and BOXED in. No matter the outcome I just won’t win. Caught in a web of my own design time no longer a friend of mine. What to do? Ask the question each day. Push the walls down brick by brick escape and run away.